After 10 years, it’s finally done. I could not be more proud, more scared, or more excited.
For over 20 years I’ve been recording music. I’ve worked on many albums, singles, and EP’s for other people as a producer. I’ve written scores for dozens of short films, and hundreds of jingles and theme songs as a composer. I’ve recorded hundreds of live events, and engineered for countless live bands. When it comes to audio, you name it, and I’ve probably done it.
As a songwriter, though, my music has always been very personal. Sure, when I write something new I’ll throw it up on facebook for my friends and family, and I’ve put a few videos on youtube over the years, but I’ve always felt nervous about really putting my music out there for the “real world”. It felt like something that other people did, and I always admired them.
About 10 years ago I started toying with the idea of releasing a proper album. One with a cover, and a selection of songs that all went together. Over the last decade I’ve worked on it in small bursts, but taking care of the kids was always more important. After each day of changing diapers and stepping in legos, there was never enough energy left to really focus on it. So, it just sat there. Written. Recorded. Waiting, but not done.
Flash forward to last year. The kids were finally in school. I could work in my studio during the day. I remodeled. Programmed light shows. Recorded albums and EPs for other people. Lots of work that I am proud of. But, the album just sat there. Written. Recorded. Waiting, but not done.
In all honesty, I could have finished it last year. I wanted to, but something kept stopping me. I was scared. Terrified. Releasing the album meant that it was all real. The goal of running my own studio. The dream of being a real honest to god songwriter. The possibility that it would fail. Or worse. That it would not be good enough. That the art that I had so carefully nurtured for that decade, and really for my whole life, would be seen as sub par. So I waited.
And now we come to another school year. The children are back in class, and I am back in the studio, trying to figure out how to turn this love of music and audio and magic into a real job, one that pays more than just “exposure”. And the album is sitting there. Written. Recorded. Waiting. But it can’t wait any more.
This record is just a collection of sounds, put together in a way that makes me happy, but it’s also a snapshot of my musical life over the last decade. It’s a big ball of wonder and sadness, nerdy references and soul searching. It will never be “finished” in my mind, but as of today, it is done.
“The Evil Machine Is Broken” is an album I am very proud of, because it is exactly what I wanted it to be. A collection of songs about things that I love, sprinkled with humor, sadness, and a bunch of heavy guitars.
I’ve never really known how to value my music, because it is so personal, and everyone feels it differently. So, for this record, you can pay what you want to download it. Do you love the idea of supporting this crazy dream of mine to be a songwriter, and have money to blow? This is something you can blow it on. Is money tight, but you want to hear what I’ve been dreaming about for half of my adult life? Take it for free. All I ask is that you help me to spread the word. Pass it along to your friends, family, or anyone else who might be crazy enough to like it.
And now I can add songwriter to part of my career. It’s a ball I’ve been holding back, fearful of throwing into the air, worrying that it would just drop to the ground, hitting the floor without anyone noticing. Today the juggling act gets that much more complicated, but it’s also the day that I stop looking at my hands, and instead look up into the sky. To watch that ball soar into the air. To see how far it will go, and stop worrying about where it will fall.